Frequently sick but frequently happy

Frequently sick but frequently happy

I’m a spoonie. That means my life is largely based around my multiple chronic illnesses and their treatments. And while this can be a complete drag on so many levels, I’ve found a way to carve some happiness out of this life. 

I’ve been sick in some sorta way since childhood but when I hit my mid 20s my health took a nosedive. I battled some really dark depression during that time and the very typical “why me?” Questions. It just didn’t seem fair.  

I had just finished college and now I was stuck in bed, sick and in pain. I didn’t have any clue how to pull myself out of that really dark place I was in and I started looking for something meaningful that I could do to make a change in my thinking and in turn to make my life better. 

I basically started looking for happiness. 

I started small. One small simple thing every day that made me happy. Looking back over my Instagram, somedays it was a cup of coffee. A favorite song. My dog. Something that I ate. A pretty picture in a magazine or online. It was little things but it was important to find something each day to be genuinely happy about. 

I soon began collecting all the things that made me happy and started decorating with them. Quotes. greeting cards. snapshots. Strings of beads. Seashells. It all seems so random but it all has a story and it all invokes such happiness in me every time I walk into my room. I stared with one wall and now my entire room is filled with happy things. 
For instance on my bedside table I have a small stuffed bunny that my dad gave me when I was in the hospital, a Cindy Lou Who mug that my God Mom gave me that I am currently using for pens, my planner, a lamp, and then I have a plastic bin that is full of pen pal letters, greeting cards, and photos. 
I also found happiness in my daily interactions online with people through my Instagram and Facebook accounts. I was able to build friendships with people who I would have never been able to meet otherwise. I’m an introvert and interacting online is, in my opinion, an easy way to build friendships with others and has given me something that I deeply value. 
Now I’m not saying I don’t ever get in a funk about my health or get sick and tired of being sick and tired because after all I’m human and when put under stress and strain I can only take so much but when I do it’s short lived and I soon pull myself out of whatever funk I was in. 

As for why I am sick- Who knows? I’m not really sure why but as someone really wise I knew once said- “we are all dealt a hand of cards in life. It’s up to us if we want to try to win with them or not.” 

Maybe I’m sick because it’s meant to see if I can play with this hand of cards or not. I don’t know but I believe that everything happens for a reason but that it’s not always clear to us. 

All these small little bits of happiness and my certain views on life aren’t widely discussed on my social media and i thought sharing this would be a good way to mark my splash back into the blogging world. If you have any questions or comments feel free to comment here or contact me on my Instagram- @spooniecorn 

Have a magical day! 

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